realization

so how about i realized something great.. no one is nvr happy with something great.. we always seem to run away from something when it's perfect.. whether it be in relationships, friends, jobs, and situations at home. we always want to run away when it seems too good to be true, because we know when we do take that chance that we just will fall too hard, come up with bills we can't pay for, and get into shit we can't get out of.

what i've realized is that im gonna be running away from this girl that i know she is too good for me.. so ima just simply run away from it and say fuck it. do me. if it's love it will always come back.. but until then ima just do what i gotta do. the shit i got into ima have to get out of. bills gotta get paid.

*moral of the story.. do for u cuz no one else will*

crazy sleep

UGH! i can't take it no more.. like wtf. this sleep thing is driving me fucking insane! like i haven't rly slept lately.. i'll get up every other hour... and now im up at like 2am and it's now 4am and im still not fallin asleep! like wtf is wrong with me lately? like im not myself i've been actin different and everything is fine.. im not stressin no women.. no friends.. only thing im stressin is school like. i should be fine.. =/ idk what's wrong wit me. more shit i gotta deal with i guess.

writing for the sake of writing

hmm idk what to talk about.. cause there's soo much going on. As most of my friends know i still have the clutch problem.. it's gonna be $300 just to get a new one.. then i gotta get it installed which would be about another $300. not to mention i need $500 for my wiring harness that's still getting built as I type this thing. ugh everything has been so damn hectic lately. 2 fucking jobs. late nights. early mornings.. and school. it's just too much ya know. and now my dad is tryna buy shit for him and spend over $2000 for a motorcycle for himself. (it's suppose to be for me... but he's looking for him) ugh i don't even care about the motorcycles anymore.. im more into the car scene anyway.. and i could care less if he sold my bike and got something else. So yeah that's bascily a sum of my life right now. =/ it's all bullshit and im still broke as ever.. even with 2 jobs im still not making much money after all my expenses (phone and gas and food.) i actually been hustlin tho.. like im not proud of what im doing but im making the extra money i need. and i rly just need this $600 so i can get to school and work to make the money. it's just hard ya know. not mention everyone wants my attention.. cause they going thro some drama.. and when i tell them about my shit it always gets changed back towards them. it's like they don't fucking care. but w.e i'll just get thro this shit sooner or later... i hope

i don't need a title

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, love with true love, laugh without control and always keep smiling.Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

picnic

So i was suppose to have a picnic today... and since it's not gonna happen because of obvious reasons.... im just gonna say what i would have done for this girl. It would have started off by me picking her up obviously.. in a clean car.. inside and out. I would have driven to this rly nice park.. that has a lake. I was gonna bring cold cuts, and make sandwiches for our picnic. I would have brung her favorite drinks, or the ones i rmb her talking alot about.. I would have had all her favorite music on my new mp3 that i just bought for the occassion. later in the day i would have given her the book i made just for her! The book was about all the reasons why i love her... and a few other things thrown in just because i wanted too. After she had read that... i would have finally proposed to her in person... which she always wanted... my plan was to propose with a ring pop. and if she said yes... which im sure she would have... i would have been like that's great! and would have went into my other pocket and said.. now would u do it for real... and pull out a promise ring... but unfortnately none of that is happening today. and im going to work instead.. and when i come home.. i get to do my 6 hrs of hw, that i didn't do the other night because i was soo worried about my friend.. and talking to his gf about the situation.

some things i've been wanting to talk about

So i wanted to talk about what's been eating at me for awhile now.. and that's been getting me pretty upset. I've been talking to my ex and we've hung out a couple times... but since the last time we hung out she's gone thro so much. Which i can understand she needs her space. But i just wanted to see what's up with her and check up on her to see how's she's doing.. ya know? so i've been like ignored for the past month or w.e IM's, txts, and phone calls. No big deal.. but when i last recently contacted her... it was about my friend being in jail.. which is her friend too.. she finally talked to me.. and comfort me. which was good. but it took my friend being in jail... for us to talk that i don't like. Not to mention before we even hung out we had an agreement to talk at least once a week. Well obviously that agreement has been broken.. not by me... but by her. I made the effort.. and now im tired. So if she still wants to talk to me.. she can... im done making the effort to talk to her... just because it's gotten me no where... and i get mad when im ignored. I had actually deleted her number and all yet again... but only ended up adding it again.. because... my best friend told me to talk to her... which i tried.. and oddly enough! a couple days later... he ends up getting arrested.... and she was the first person i told! funny how that works out.

my best friend...

So i got a txt at 6:10am from preston saying he was home and apologizing that i was dragged into it... i still dunno exactly what happened... which im gonna be finding out later. But im glad he's home and safe.. and i was worried sick! I had my phone on all night waiting for a phone to go pick him up at the station. I'm glad ur home bro!

you can always find out more about someone

So i was talking to this one girl.. she's a pretty cool friend or w.e and we were talking about how u can nvr stop learning something new about someone. and i was like yeah that's soo true.. cause just the other night i was talking to my best friend. and he was telling me shit that i nvr knew about him or what i would even think he was into.. meaning like things he likes to do. so it's nvr to late to learn about any1.

feeling left out?

U ever have the feeling where everyone doesn't want to tell u the whole truth? and for some odd reason u can kinda tell that it's because it's something bad. Idk but ppl aren't being honest with me lately! it's like wtf. it's just not my friends tho.. it's family too now. i figured out the family one out rly quick tho.. and there was nothing wrong with it.. it was just something my dad felt ashamed of.. and didn't wanna tell me. but he actually nvr told me.. my mom did. but anyway.. then there's my friends.. they don't wanna tell me what's buggin them and it hurts just as much as if they were family ya know? cause all my friends are good friends of yrs! and some since like grade school. So at times i consider them to be as family cause i basicly known them all my life.

the begining comes to an end.

So as everyone knows.. i made my car stick shift or w.e haha spent a lil more than 2 stacks to do it. saved up alot and hustled for it. took about 3-4 months but i did it. finally something for me. and no one else. im getting tiredd of doing shit for others and they do nothing for me. it's crazy. I had the most amazing 21st bday. came home to a bunch of friends that couldn't wait to chill with me and see what i did to my car. but i also came home to a bunch of drama as well. but i tend to look at the positives so it wasn't much of a problem.... like right now i got my clutch fixed.. didn't cost me too much but it's w.e it's just money.. as long as im fine i couldn't be happier. but now i might need new tires which might be a big deal to others.. but i rly don't like the tires i have now.. so it's all good to me. hehe. im tempted to do burn outs so i can get them faster.. lol. but yeah.. i've gotten a lil closer to my sisters.. which has been pretty cool. talk to my brother in law like at least 3 times a week. =) me and my dad still get on each other's nerves but he's always there for me so i can't hate it. Just a few things missing from my life right now for me to be happy with everything. can't wait to finish it off. and it's looking very promising! =)

what u want..

ever think about how what u rly want something ends up being something u don't rly want. like as a kid i use to get alot of toys and stuff. and when i got what i wanted i got bored with it and put it to the side. i guess if i knew the value of a dollar then i would have appreciated it more and would want to play with it. i think that's how life goes. u get something u wanted for free or next to nothing.. or it just pops up on ur lap and u finally use it or do whatever with it. and then u no longer want it. and u look for something else. So im sitting here thinking about my childhood and what i had gotten as a child. and to think of it i was rly spoiled rotten. i wouldn't have gotten away with being a smart ass lil kid. but if i wanted a toy i would most likely get it. it's kinda the same thing now. if i wanna buy something for my car.. my dad would ask me if i want him to spot me the money and pay him back. i've done that a couple of times but it's mostly for shit that i rly would want. and for the most part i know what i want. i just don't get what i want cause i can't afford it. so i do with what i have. and try and make the best of it. like right now i just got a bunch of shit done to my car. i bought the lowering kit for it cause i wanted to lower my car. but now im starting to regret only because it does more good than bad. i can barely get out my own driveway.. but it looks soo bad ass. and im sure when winter arrives im gonna hate the snow. I also got a system for my car that i got 4 free. sounds so bad ass. and i got a couple other stuff for my car. did i want that and was willing to pay 4 them? yes. now that i have them it's like whatever. It's like they say. u only appreciate something when u lose it.

my florida experience.

So i mostly went done cause i wanted to make my car stick shift. I went down and go there on a saturday. Me and my dad stayed at a hotel so we can be more comfortable. My brother in law left us his lexus sc300! which i love to drive. it's fast as hell. when i was able to drive it i would make that shit go sidewayz! lol =) so much fun. I drove his car for about 3 days til my car was finally a 6spd! and now it hauls ass! lol it's crazy. I also got a few other things done to my car. I got 2 12inch piooneer subs. and a 2000watt amp! that shit hits hard! sounds good too. lowered my car for about $120. went out to dinner with the whole family. a total of 7 of us. lol i paid cause my brother in law didn't want any money. so i took us all out 2 dinner to thank him. got him whatever he wanted.. whether it be beer.. gas.. and cigs. spent alot on that. went too a bunch of strip clubs. got lap dances. and was offered a private room by this rly hot stripper. which i soon found out later that she was a porn star! =O all in all! i had an amazing time. i got what i wanted with my car... spent time with my brother in law. and we had deep conversations. and i got to know what he went thro when he was younger. and boy did he go thro alot. he basicly went thro everything u could think of! so me and him bonded more so i was happy! =) i also got to see my sister and my neices and nephews! and damn they're getting big. i gotta say couple more yrs and they might end up taller than their own uncle! =/ But it was an amazing time. and im glad i went and saved up all that money even tho it tired me out. it was well worth it!

getting older..

He was a kid then… he didn’t even know what to do.
He’s all grown up now and doesn’t even care what you knew.
A young man on his way to becoming successful.
He’s on a journey called life which most people have failed to accomplish.
I’m only 21 and I’ve gotten farther in life than you have wished!
I’m onto bigger and better things.. life going to get a little harder now.
Wish I’ve done things a little differently.. but that’s all about growing and learning.
You just look at me and see a man becoming.
The cars, money, the girls all mean nothing to kid.. all unreal to him.. and just an illusion.
But wait. He’s found the thing that’s gonna make everything right … a conclusion

Here it is..


THE END

what else im looking forward too!

Im gonna see someone special in sept! i can't wait! cause i already miss this person sooo much. and i actually have some things planned. and i hope everything works out as i want it too. and the day will be a day to rmb. =)

as most of u know..

im gonna have my 6spd swap! lol im like super excited! like you have no idea! it's not just the fact that im getting my car customized! but it's the fact im gonna go down there for vaction. the fact that i get to see my sister who i haven't seen in a few yrs! my neices and nephwes! not to mention! im gonna see my brother in law.. and im gonna be working with him as he works on my car. shit im even gonna get to drive his car! lol =) his car is the lexus sc300 that i sooo want! lol and prolly will one day own. but anywho. i just rly wanted to blog about what im excited for cause honestly it's RLY RLY rare for me to show such an emotion! I never rly show excitement when opening up gifts.. or w.e so this is like rare for me. =)

disturbing.

So I was on myspace ... and saw something quite disturbing. I saw how this one girl didn't care nor thought about her most current ex. I thought to myself, that's complete bullshit. for one im sure u think of him more than u want to and that's why ur typing that lil blog up about how u don't care about him no more. it's all in your brain. U say u don't love him no more and u say u can do better but yet u'll be right back there with him. I hate when girls do that. they are mean to these dudes who prolly have no idea what's going on and then there like.. well I guess u moved on so what's the point. so u screw urself over. guys are very different from girls. We don't wait around for women as much as u prolly think we do becuase we are "whiped" but honestly when u start talking like oh I don't want u no more, I nvr wanted you, I should have listened to my friends and all that other crap. we literally say WOW. and we go our seperate ways. there is only one time when a guy will stick around for that one girl tho. but that's only because he feels that he loves her more than life itself. he's the kinda dude that will do anything for that girl. That's the kinda guy that all girls want. Honestly love is actually a rly weird feeling. it's almost indescribeable. U think about the person like every min. write their names over and over. When u wake up they are the first person u think about. which ends up putting a smile on ur face even when ur mad at them. because if u love them then all u want to think about is all their good qualities. so yeah idk what else to say.. haha

what scared me today....

like I was on my way home and I pulled up to this dude at a redlight. im not even tryna race the nigga. and I pull of hard and I look in my mirror to try and get infront of him and he now he's tryna race me. I had like a car length infront of him. and I cut him off cause there was slower traffic and they was about to make a left hand turn. then he starts riding my ass like im going slow. which at that point im not. so I stomp on my breaks hard making him stomp on his breaks to let him know get the fuck off my ass. and then I stop at the stop sign and he was roling down his window like he gonna say something to me. im like fuck u. (I rolled down my window) I then continue to go home and now he's following me. So I go fast down a side street and I see this nigga is still following me. So I decide to jump on the blvd and shit. I take my right to get on the blvd and this nigga had to stop cause there was mad cars between us. so I turn back on to the blvd and drive like rly fast got up to like 100! I looked in my mirror and see him finally getting on the blvd. braked mad hard for the side street cause there was a redlight. I cut thro the gas station to get to the side treat took off. went around some dumb ass in a van going like 20. went thro a redlight. dogged the shit out of my car to make sure this nigga wasn't gonna keep up made another right onto another side street now im near a park so im some what chill now and I look around and he's no where to be found! lol so I was like 2 blocks away from home and I pull up in the front of my house. lock my car up real quick and ran inside cause my heart was still beating mad fast. the adreline from the nigga tryna rape me or whatever and the fact that I broke like 3 laws tryna get away from him. speeding, going thro a red, and endargement and wreckless driving. lmao! it's soo funny now cause im not scared. but like I was when all of it was happeneing. haha. so yeah that was my crazzyyy asss afternoon. lol

this was junda funny...

So I went to the Honda dealership today and I went thro the sales area and right when I pull up the sale guy stares at me and he sees me getting out the car and runs over and says "hey are you gonna trade up today?" I'm like "no actually im trying to find the service department. do you guys have one?" he said yes. and he pointed it out to me. then he started talking about my car and how immaculately clean it was! (waxed, tire shine the whole thing!) and he said he had one before and loved it but traded up to the new 09 one. with like 270hp! haha and im like damn that must be crazy fast. he said it was. I actually wanna go back there one day and buy a car from him. Very nice guy. haha =) he made my day tho. the whole going to the dealership idea I wasn't feel too good about. but the service was like just plain awesome! so yeah. Just an interesting story thought i'd share! haha

so yeah

Just realized I haven't posted anything in awhile! hmmm what to talk about... that's see.... well im working again! making money. Helping pops out with the bills again. Although I don't have much of a life now. I go to school come home to do hw, then relax for a bit and go to bed. Weekends I work so it's ghey. umm ... hahahahaha my dad is tryna hook me up with his side girlfriend's daughter! lmao. I've heard she's nice. but idk.. im busy as it is. I gotta make time to go to a classical concert for my music class. Which im gonna with Ashley! <3 I can't wait. I haven't seen her in like 4 ever! I miss her. ummmm... what else is new? hmmm.. Excited for valentines day! =) although I have 2 valentines hehe shhhhh!!! =p hehe other than that nothing rly is going on... I just been soo tired lately. doing soo much with such lil time.


-Johnny

you ever notice?

have you ever notice how ppl try to take advantage of you? or they just try to see how far they can go to see where the limitations are. Like I hate that shit and im feed up with it. I'm not gonna even respond to their stupidity. It's like they try to control you to feel better about themselves. Your only gonna feel better about yourself if you do something good for yourself. What would that be you might ask? Well anything that you like to do just do that. Keep busy and try to be happy. That's junda what im doing now. Tryna keep busy not worried about anything or anyone. Letting everything set in place and just going with the flow of things. Someone does something fucked up to me now, im not even gonna do it back cause it's not even worth my time. Like real talking!

That's what I was pondering this morning.

happy

So today im just soo happy! idk why... but im happy and that's what counts! everything is getting better FINALLY! my dad has been more positive lately. =) and not getting that mad or at least he doesn't show it. When he drinks now it's a bit more responsible then before. My brother-in-law sent me a package of stuff for my car. =) so im happy that he didn't forget about me. =) I love him so much. He really is like the brother I've never had! I can honestly say that. and I mean that. If he ever needs me for anything i'll drive down to florida and have his back. My girl friend is just awesome. It's like she knows me. =) She knows exactly what to say to cheer me up and she just knows when there's something wrong with me. way before I even tell her. everything is just setting up perfectly. and im just soo happy. I think today is gonna be awesome! =) and omg I had lots of smilies! lmao! but yeah YAY me!


*I don't wanna jinux it tho. so yeah. hehe but if life is all about ups and downs so it wouldn't matter. cause when something goes good something just brings u down again. and you end back up at that high point again! =) so far now im happy. and im gonna enjoy it!

today

Today felt like the past and it was good. =) it felt like everything else didn't matter at the time. I didn't want to go home. If I had gone home i'd have to face all the problems all over again. It was like I was free today of all my problems from 1:30-2:45 then everything came back.

It's like why I ride my motorcycle it's just something about it that makes me feel free, like I have no worries and it just makes me happy.=) I miss it alot. I shouldn't say it, I should say HER. but all good things come in time right? one day i'll be married to her, and my life again would be complete. and worry free.




*A guy can always dream right?

ughh!

Ok so everything isn't going the way I played. Im off to a shitty start in school. Im already behind and im stressing it already. =/ my dad is on my ass about getting a job. He wants me to get a job so I can make money on the side and he doesn't have to put out much money to help me out. Im affraid to get a job because then i'll just end up not having a life. I won't be able to see my friends much. I wanna help my dad with the money situation. I did it before in highschool and im willing to do it again now. then my gf is in the hospital and she's gonna be there for a few days. Her parents are like the worse. they are extremely mean to her, and they don't like me for whatever reason. I'm a nice guy I can't see why they wouldn't like me. but im not stressing that because they don't have to like me, so it's whatever.I didn't go to bed til like 2:30am and now im up at 8:30 so i've had about 6 hours of sleep. And lately that's all I rly ever need. this whole 8 hour and 10 hour sleeps just make me feel worse. Then there's my brother in law who said he was gonna come down last weekend to see me. I don't know why I got my hopes up to see him when I knew deep down inside he was gonna let me down and say something just came up. I talked with my dad so everything is ok there. We all went out to dinner last night. it was amazing! I felt soo much better. We actually felt like a family again. and I was happy to be apart of it!

now im late for school.....


*more to come...

Are u all right?

so my parents keep asking me if everything is ok, and if im alright. Im fine I tell them. But they have no idea how much im stressed. I told my dad only one lil part of the whole shit that im going thro because honestly that's what's been pissing me off the most! I didn't tell him about my other shit. which is little stuff, but there's alot of it. My dad is just like me jumping to conclusions thinking I got some girl pregnant and shit when in reality im a fucking virign! like he doesn't know. he thinks im smashing girls left and right. Im not and idk where the fuck he gets these ideas from. I sure as hell don't tell him that so idk how he can jump to these conclusions. but whatev. All these lil things i'll get over in time. I just been so overwelmed with them and how they came at me.

*More blogs to come

I might blog about what those problems are exactly and maybe get some advice. But in all honesty my problems don't need advice it's just shit that I need to get over and just let it be. and go with the flow of things. I try too hard, and sometimes that's what gets the best of me. I try so hard to something and when I fall flat on my face, I don't even wanna get back up and try again.

-Johnny signing out for now...

what we go thro

Everybody has been going thro there shit.... and it's saddening me cause im going thro shit. like it's all now on my shoulders and now im starting to feel drained. don't get me wrong I love to help ppl and when ppl share with you have a deeper connection with them. that's what I love most. but I've been helping everyone else out but me. I need to work on myself again. I feel like there's not enough of me to go around. I'm already starting to stress on school....


I hope things get better.

and there's rly only one person I wanna talk to out of everyone in my life. well actually two.

so this isn't new.

So today I've heard from someone that I wish I hadn't stopped talking to. we both decided to still talk to each other. =) I do miss our most random convos hehe they were pretty boss. =p But I just wanna say that im gonna be there again for you, and what ever you need I want to be there for you. and I definately gotta work on this smilie thing. it junda annoys me now haha.

*on a side note I bought my expensive ass books today. they were $325 =/ and I can't wait to go back to school and actually meet some new ppls =) YAY!


*Will try to write at least every other day. just to keep my fans happy =) Cause im happy when they're happy. well that's a lie im happy cause im happy but they make me happy too so it's not rly a lie

^and that's what I was talking about with my A.D.D. maybe it's more rambling but who knows it's not a problem maybe it's normal haha.